Hi lovelies, if you have been working on reaching a goal or manifesting a particular outcome, this process is for you. We can take as much outward action as we want, however, until our internal environment lines up with the outward outcome, we will not be able to entirely reach our finish line. Or if we do get there through struggle and might, we likely will not be able to maintain the change for very long (you may have noticed how challenges or diets don’t create lasting change).
This is because when things are incongruent between our mindset and our physical actions, there is too much of a push and pull, and our experience will always result in a turbulent journey full of bumps and u-turns, which results in feelings of defeat and even worse, unworthiness. In order to have a smoother ride, and actually reach the destination we’re aiming for, we need to find congruence between our internal framework and our external actions. When we do this, all parts of ourselves are working together, instead of against each other. When we do this, we are a match for what we want, and things work out much smoother and quicker.
Becoming a match to what you want really means you’re thinking, acting, and feeling as someone who already has what it is that you want.
Becoming a match to what you want really means you’re thinking, acting, and feeling as someone who already has what it is that you want. Fundamentally, this version of yourself will embody a certain mindset and energy, and carry themselves a certain way, a way that matches with living out that reality. This embodiment differs greatly from the version of you that feels they don’t have that yet, that is still in the absence of living this reality out. Thus, the mindset and energy before you are a match for what you want is quite different. The work then becomes, transforming into that version of you. It becomes about closing the gap between these two versions of yourself.
The work then becomes, transforming into that version of you. It becomes about closing the gap between these two versions of yourself.
This is quite a transformation, but do not worry! There is a step-by-step process, a formula, to get from where you are, to where you would like to be. I have used it many times, and it always works. In my latest podcast episode, I dive deep into this process, illustrating it for you to be able to apply for yourself. I have also outlined it below (but to get all the juicy details, I suggest you tune in! 🙂 )
Think of it this way….
We are always a match for something. Whatever our current outward experience is, shows us what we are currently a match for, and thus, what our dominant beliefs are right now. Our external reality always mirrors our inner reality. Thus, the key to making a lasting change is to change our inner reality, so that the outward one begins to match that instead.
Our current beliefs are like an operating system, and when we become a match to what we want, we essentially upgrade our operating system to match that outcome. We can learn to create lasting change in our mindset and habits by upgrading our operating system so that it matches the version of ourselves that has the outcome we want.
The Formula
Step 1: Identify what it is that you want (if you haven’t already.)
Get as clear as you can on this. The more specific the better. Try to identify what it would feel like to have this, and what would it mean for you?
Step 2: Reflect upon the internal workings of the version of you who has what you want:
- What does the version of me who has what I want feel like?
- What do they think like?
- What do they act like?
- What do they not do? What do they not tell themselves? What do they not feel (about themselves)? What do they not tolerate (within themselves)?
Reflect upon these prompts in your journal, or download and use this worksheet:
Becoming A Match Worksheet (1)
This is the what the inside of someone who has what you’re wanting looks like.
Step 3: Brainstorm the self talk that this version of you holds
Remember, the person who has this already, sees the world a different way, and sees themselves a different way. Thus the self talk they experience is going to reflect that. What does someone who is already living the experience you are working towards say to themselves? What do they not say?
Your inner dialogue is very telling of your current beliefs. By improving your self talk, and emulating that of someone who feels they already have the desired outcome, you create real shifts in yourself that bring you closer to what you want.
Step 4: Create affirmations (use sticky notes of index cards)
Affirmations are practice of the beliefs you will hold when you have reached your desire or goal. Use the phrases from the self talk activity in Step 3 to create your affirmations. Select the phrases that you can easily believe and attach feeling to. We don’t want to say phrases that bring up doubt when we say them, then they will just work against us. It’s better to start small and general if needed. You can add more affirmations to your list as you progress along your journey.
I like to have a running list going, and I add more affirmations as they come to me. I write my affirmations on sticky notes which I may stick to different places around my living space. There are times I don’t want them displayed, and I just pile them up so they are easier to review. Find what works for you!
Step 5: Engage with your affirmations consistently , attach the feeling from your previous reflection (what it feels like to have it) each time you say the affirmation.
Repeat your affirmations, feeling like it’s real:
- every morning
- at least once through the day*,
- and in the evening before bed* (* if you are in a place where you won’t push against them).
You want to feel like these statements are true when you say them. Remember you are practicing being a version of you that already has what you want. So you want to try to get into that zone as you say these affirmations. If you are feeling triggered or very doubtful, it’s best to leave the affirmations until the next morning. (Mornings are our clearest part of the day, where we have the best chance at internalizing and believing the affirmations we are practicing).
Step 6: Practice this until it becomes your natural way of being.
With consistency and practice, you will form the neural pathways in your brain of a person who is already living this desired experience (you’ll have an easier time thinking like this version of you). You will teach your body what it feels like to have it. Your body and mind cannot distinguish between what’s actually happening, or what you’re remembering or visualizing. Whatever is playing in the movie screen of your mind, is real to your subconscious mind, and thus being reacted to by your body. When your body knows what it feels like to have it, it’s easier to act like this person, the version of you that has what you want. When thinking and feeling like this version of you become natural to you, the manifestation happens, the goal is reached, the desired outcome becomes evident in your physical reality. The law of attraction always matches you with what you are dominantly projecting outward, so when your natural way is the way of your desire, you have become a match, and now the Universe will bring you everything that matches this version of you, instead of what was once matching the old version of you.
Do not force this, but allow this. Whenever you feel a push and pull, it’s better to back down, and go gentle on yourself. Remember that you are evolving your belief system which can cause resistance within you. The old you will put up a fight, especially when pushed too hard, too fast. It’s best to go gently. Once you do this with love and patience, the momentum builds, and it becomes easier and easier to step into this version of yourself.
Step 7: Be kind and patient with yourself.
Practice compassion and forgiveness. Understand this will take time. You are reprogramming yourself, and unlearning a lifetime’s worth of thought processes. There will be moments where you may be upset with yourself for not having known before, what you have come to know now. When this happens to me, I try to tell myself, ” I did the best I could with what I had and with what I knew then. Now that I know better, I am doing better. And that’s the best I can do. It’s OK that I didn’t know this before. It’s OK I made the choices I made before. Now I know differently, so I will make different choices.”
It’s important to forgive ourselves for not being perfect, for the mistakes we’ve made, and for not knowing what we didn’t know before, but have come to know now, as a part of this process of evolving. Just like when a child learns to walk, they should not be mad at themselves for only knowing how to crawl before. In the same way, you should not hold it against yourself for not being where you are now, before. Life is a journey, and we are always going to be learning the next thing, we are always going to be learning how to become the next best version of ourselves. It’s an ongoing process, that never ends. As soon we reach one desired outcome, we will likely want to start on towards another. This is why it is so important for us to learn to be kind and loving towards ourselves as we work towards our goals, because a lot of our lifetime is mostly spent on one type of journey or another!
Step 8: Learn how to ease the discomfort that comes with growth and moving closer to reaching your goals.
Discomfort will arise on some point in your journey. Whenever we are challenging old beliefs and building new ones, there will be uneasiness, as we are entering unfamiliar territory. Whenever our mind enters unfamiliar territory, it’s alarm system goes off. We may be triggered and feel unsafe. This is normal, and actually just means your mind is doing its job! The mind is a diligent worker, whose mission is to protect you from potential harm, and is always scanning your environment for potential threats based on the data it’s gathered from your past experiences.
The mind thinks whatever it’s already experienced (even if it’s unwanted) is safe, because it’s familiar, and whatever it hasn’t experienced is potentially harmful. (it will still alarm you in a real danger, however when there is something that’s no longer serving us, the mind may keep us attached to it out of familiarity, while pushing away a change that is an improvement, just because it’s new and unrecognized). This is why we have to activate the higher part of ourselves to step in and lower the distress our mind may have triggered for us to experience. Just as a parent soothes their child when they are afraid or upset, our higher self can direct and soothe our lower, more fearful self.
To lessen your discomfort, you can use self soothing strategies such as the 5 senses technique, deep breathing, meditation, taking a nap, going to bed early, noticing nature, or gratitude for something that’s easy to appreciate, and unrelated to this topic.
You can also use distraction in another activity such as reading, cooking, creative play, exercising, listening to a podcast, or working on something, to get your mind off of the matter all together.
Something to keep in mind is that the discomfort will pass, and it’s not indicative of things going wrong. It’s actually indicating things are going right (I know, this feels so counterintuitive). Because you are straying from your comfort zone, away from what you’re used to (which is what you used to have, and how you used to be), and inching closer to the version of you who has what you want, you’re feeling uncomfortable. Isn’t that a good thing?
Instead of lingering in the discomfort and misunderstanding it’s presence, pat yourself on the back for making it this far, and encourage yourself to keep going. This means your well on you way towards what you want. If you were still how you used to be, you wouldn’t feel discomfort. You are in truth, on your way to becoming who you want to be, and that is why you’re feeling the uneasiness. As you start to identify what feels good about where you are now, your discomfort will ease, and your self concept will expand to incorporate these new changes, and they will not feel foreign any more, rather they will have become your new normal. So beautiful isn’t it? 😀
You can ask yourself questions such as what do I like about where I currently am? What feels good about my current circumstances and vantage point? What is better now than before I started?
Identifying what you like about the changes you’ve made so far, will help you to feel at ease with your new mindset and point of view. By taking stock of what you like, you turn off the alarm signal that goes off in your mind when you’re in new and unfamiliar territory. Revisit this as you carry on through your journey.
Step 9: Congratulations, You’re a Match! Aha Moments Will Be A Regular Thing
When you are fully a match for what want, you will completely like where you are and will be thankful that you did the work to get here. You will thoroughly understand why you weren’t there before, you’ll see the disparity between what you know now, and what you didn’t know back then, when you had first started (it will all make sense!).
Since we are always a match to something, it will become clear to you why you were living out, or attracting certain experiences before (the absence of what you wanted, rather than the presence of what you wanted). You’ll have gained the perspective of why the journey you’ve been on had to happen the way that it did.
At this point, I find I have usually almost forgotten about what it is that I was wanting to so badly in the beginning, because I have already become it. It no longer is something outside of me that I was reaching for. It’s who I’ve become inside of me, that I now I am. And now that I am that, that is the experience I am living. I no longer need the situation on the external level to go a certain way. I am seeing so many different pathways for me to live what I want. I am seeing a multitude of possibilities, and it’s as if the world around me has opened up, whereas previously I had been fixed on things only happening a certain way.
This could be a multiple of options in the type of thing I was desiring. It could be confidence and a new perspective that I am now carrying and embodying, that I’m no longer feeling like I’m missing that thing. It could be realizing I no longer even want that initial thing I had thought I wanted, that it seems so strange for me now, how much I was missing it before (sometimes we want something just so we feel better about ourselves, but once we feel better ourselves anyway, we find no longer want that particular thing).
And most importantly, at this point, I know so deeply that I am a match to what I want, I know the Universe has no choice but to bring it to me. The Universe always matches like with like, always brings us more of the same. Now that I am this new way, this is now what must come to me in my reality.
It’s the Universe’s job to bring me what I am emitting, not mine (Abraham Hicks teaches that the Law of Attraction is a universal law, like the law of gravity, and thus is always in play, whether we are aware of it or not). My job was to do the inner work, and now that I have done that, I can sit in gratitude and allow the Universe to bring me what it is I am now matching. I can bask in appreciation for how beautiful all of this feels and feel thankful for my blessings in advance. This energy actually speeds up our manifestations and aligns us with the outcomes we want and deserve.
At this point, you may find that you now have what you want, or something even better than what you first imagined. Yayy!!
However, if you find you are not there yet, it just means that there may still be beliefs you need to tweak, learn or clarify. Don’t give up, you’re almost there! You can always reach out to me for guidance or to book a 1:1 session.
I find if I’m almost there, but not quite, it’s just a matter of believing like I already have it, living from that feeling. As Neville Goddard says, live as is your wish is fulfilled, and then it will come to pass. The final step is in it becoming so natural and real to you, that you feel as if it’s already happened. And then seeing your world through that lens, that feeling, and that energy. This can often be one of the most challenging parts, and also the most rewarding. Try visualizing yourself living out your dream, feeling as if you are in that state right now. Do this just before bed and in the morning after you repeat your affirmations. For more on this, check out Neville Goddard’s teachings in his books, or on YouTube, or Wayne Dyer’s book, The Wish Fulfilled. You can also check out my podcast episodes, Manifesting Magic, Parts 1 and 2, for more on this part of the process :).
Once you know this process works and have experienced this for yourself, you will have your own evidence of how things can change and improve for you. You’ll be able to apply this process for anything you want to achieve, change, or improve in your life. You literally can have anything you want in your life, you just have to learn to become a match to it first. You can work towards any of your dreams, by lovingly becoming a match in your mindset and energy, little by little, instead of hating and forcing yourself to where you would like to be.
I truly hope this post and podcast episode helps you get closer to your dreams, and even more so, helps you feel empowered and strengthens your belief in yourself and in the Universe. Please do not hesitate to comment or contact me with any questions you may have. Until next time!
Sending you lots of love and light lovelies,
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