Hello friends! I am often asked how I improved my self esteem and happiness over the last few years. And I have to tell to tell you that I did not always feel good about myself, or feel comfortable in my own skin for that matter. However one of the factors that helped get me to where I am today with my self esteem, was to stop letting others’ perceptions of me become my own.
If you’re trying to improve your happiness (and chances are that you are, that’s how you found your way to this post!), then you came to the right place. By improving your the way you see yourself, you will also be improving your happiness!
So let’s get started, shall we? 🙂
You know you need to work on the way you see yourself if you are currently allowing what others’ think of you become the way you see yourself.
Well lovely, you need to stop doing that. Because what they think of you Does. Not. Matter.
What really matters is what you think of yourself.
What really matters is what you think of yourself.
You need to start seeing yourself through your own eyes. You need see your own inner light (and we all have one my friend!).
I struggled with this for most of my life, and I didn’t even know it!
I thought I knew who I was, but I was just a sum of what other people thought of me and how they treated me. Sure this can seem OK when people think you are nice, sweet, and loyal. But nice, sweet, and loyal also translates into being a doormat, people pleaser, and a having a lack of personal boundaries!
Sometimes people abuse your niceness, leaving you to internalize the mean things they say to you, thinking you deserved it. I did that too. I’m not proud of it, but I didn’t know better at the time!
Now I do know who I am, and I know no one else gets a say in that. I feel so much better about myself, and overall, I am quite happy.
You can improve your happiness too, by seeing yourself through your own lens, instead of the lens of others.
You can improve your happiness too, by seeing yourself through your own lens, instead of the lens of others.
So how do you do that?
I’ll tell you what has worked for me.
I visualize my inner self standing in front of me and I take a long, hard look at her.
I listen to her feelings and I accept and validate them. I get a sense of what she needs, and then I decide I will act on that.
Now it’s your turn.
Visualize your inner self standing across from you.
The you that is doing the looking, this is the part of you that forms opinions of yourself and decides your self worth.
Now, while looking the other you, I want you to pretend you are your own best friend, or your own parent.
A best friend or a parent will see things in you that you may not acknowledge yourself. They will see your strengths and weaknesses, and still love you, because they see you as the whole package. They see your worth and see that you are deserving of love. They encourage you and want you to keep living life on your terms, and in some cases, this is where you may get the acceptance and validation you need to feel good about your choices in life.
The goal here is to ultimately become this loving and supportive with yourself.
( I want to make a note that you are not pretending to be your actual mother or father that raised you; you are acting as if you are a parent, and the person you are parenting, is you!)
So take a good look at yourself and what do you see?
Do you see someone who has a good heart and is trying their best at life? Do you see someone who is not perfect, but means well? Do you see someone who is special and unique and that makes you love them even more?
I hope you see that. Because that’s what you deserve.
Seeing yourself in a positive light may not come so easily to you. And that’s ok. You have likely spent years believing false truths about yourself, so it will take some time and effort to unlearn all of those things, and train yourself to see who you really are. But it is so worth the effort! Working on your inner self is one of the most rewarding things you can do for your self, and the outcome is always more happiness!
The more you work on seeing yourself through your own eyes, the easier it will become. Try to do this a few times a week to start off. Once it begins to feel more natural, you will likely begin to do this every day, without even realizing it! Eventually, you will have changed the way you see yourself, and you will be seeing yourself through your own lens. Whoohoo!
When I started seeing myself with my own lens, I started seeing a meaningful change in my self worth, and my overall happiness.
I noticed that when I stop doing this for a little while, because things are great, and I am feeling pretty good, my happiness starts to slowly decline.
So I realized this is something I need to continually practice and include in my self care routine.
I find it helps when I am going through some sort of crisis, such as when I am feeling lost, upset, or confused. I can take a step back and look at myself in my mind. Here I can speak to myself and validate my own feelings and perspective. It really helps with moving past a hurtful situation, or encouraging myself to pursue a dream.
I want you to cultivate a relationship with your inner self as well, where you regularly check in with your self, to acknowledge and validate the feelings you are currently or have previously experienced.
This is a valuable tool in supporting yourself through life’s hard times, and encouraging yourself to live the life you know deep down that you deserve.
You can take back your power and improve your happiness. Stop seeing yourself how others see you, and decide how you want to see yourself. That strong, smart, and amazing person you see in front of you, that is who you truly are. Focus on her. Focus on honouring her and validating her. You will see a big change in your self worth and overall happiness. I can feel it!
I would love to hear your comments and questions below!
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