As I was working through some of my own personal circumstances, I realized I wasn’t putting in as much time and effort into my current goal (writing my book) as I would like. I had an aha moment when I realized why, and I also felt inclined to share the reason and process with you to get around your own current obstacles as well.
I wrote a good chunk of my book, and all I need to do is write a little more, and then begin the process of putting all the pieces together into a cohesive whole.
Yet something has been slowing me down, causing me to drag my feet, or avoid it all together. I know I will finish it one day, and I know it’s still super important to me, yet something is holding me back. I figured out what it is, and I am so excited to have worked through this. It’s as if an invisible barrier that I didn’t even know was there has been removed. Leaving me with a clear path ahead and the internal motivation to do it.
So how did I get there? What did I learn about myself and my mindset that has helped me shift from fear to freedom? I’ll share that with you here 🙂
So let’s get right down to it lovely. Like me, if you haven’t done what you set out to do, it’s because you have too many contradictory beliefs surrounding it.When something feels good, we do it. We do it often. Over and over we repeat it to get that feel-good feeling.
When we have too many contradictory beliefs surrounding what we want, what we desire, it doesn’t feel good to do it. It feels awful. The push and pull dynamic within you is too strong.
Now you might say, isn’t reaching your goal supposed to be hard work? Aren’t we supposed to struggle? Aren’t we supposed to beat ourselves up, and sacrifice something in order to get where we want?
While this may work for some people, it doesn’t work for most, and truthfully it doesn’t work for me. I used to be hard on myself and push myself to my breaking point, and often well past it, in order to reach a desired outcome. However, once I got there, the celebration was often short lived, because yes, I got there, but at what cost? The damage I had done to myself, my relationships, and the other things I valued in my life was too much. I felt depleted and lost inside, even though on the outside I had obtained a victory. It was usually at this point that I decided it wasn’t worth the personal cost to reach that goal, and I didn’t continue down that path.
When I began my life coaching journey, I learned of another way. We don’t have to force ourselves to seek results. We don’t have to push against parts of ourselves in order to get to where we want to be. We can align with our goals and the version of ourselves that already has what we want, and allow the process to unfold naturally. When we think, act, and feel as if we already have what we want, we naturally make choices and take actions that lead us there, simply and without a fuss. The result is a much smoother and enjoyable ride, with a guaranteed positive outcome. When we adopt the mindset that matches our goal, we are more then halfway there.
Now, back to why you haven’t reached your goal. You have a desire to reach a particular outcome, but you also hold beliefs that contradict your desire.
What exactly are contradictory beliefs?
They are our doubts, our negative thoughts, they’re essentially all the reasons we believe and tell ourselves why we can’t reach our goal or have our desired income. They are a subconscious beliefs that go against, or contradict what we want. For example: My contradictory belief that goes against me writing my book is:
“I am not smart enough, I don’t know enough about this to write it or to do well with it”.
It may even sound like someone else’s voice, telling you you can’t have what you want, that you are not good enough for it, or that you don’t deserve it.
A contradictory belief is basically the most judgmental and fearful part of yourself that is running the show in terms of your desire, and keeping you from getting there, in false belief that you will be safer by not pursuing or not ever getting there.
Have you ever found yourself talking yourself out of wanting your goals or desires, convincing yourself that your dreams are too big?
Well this is a prime example of a contradictory belief.
Going against our deep rooted, subconscious beliefs, is very painful, and this is best described as the struggle we all feel when we want something but it feels out of reach.
While some of us may feel it’s normal to struggle and work tirelessly to reach our goals, and to prove to the world and to ourselves that we are worthy of them, there is a better and smoother way. Also, many of us give up and lose sight of our goals because the struggle is too difficult and the price of one’s inner peace, is too high to pay.
However there is a way to not only reach our goals, but to also feel good while doing it. And unlike common perception, you don’t need to force yourself into a rigid routine or plan of attack.
You need to change your beliefs.
You need to cultivate the belief that matches the desire you hold in your heart and mind’s eye.
You need to see yourself as being equal to your desire, being at the same level as it, being worthy of it. When you upgrade your subconscious beliefs to match the outcome you seek, the journey to your goal will be simple, smooth, and easy. It will feel like all green lights on the road to your goal, while you have fun on your way there.
How does one do this?
Well this is what life coaching is all about, and this is what I like to call the “Inner Work”.
It’sreleasingthe old way of thinking andnurturing the new way of thinking. It’s letting go of what no longer serves you. It’s releasing the thoughts that harm you instead of help you. It’s changing the inner dynamic within you from one that is hostile to one that is conducive to healing and growth. One that supports you reaching your desires and goals through a loving manner, where you feel good every step of the way.
The first step is acknowledging what your unhelpful or hurtful beliefs are surrounding your desire.
What is my desire?
Why have I not worked on my desired outcome as much as I would have liked?
(Let’s take all the excuses out of this right now; this is not about other people, places or reasons, because when we really, really want to do something, we do it. We find a way to make it happen, to make it work, no matter the obstacles in the way. We give ourselves the green light. So let’s not put all of the blame on circumstances outside of ourselves. If you find yourself assigning blame to external factors or people, take the time to dig a little deeper, and get down to the real reason.)
What do I truly believe about this?
What will happen to me if I do this?
What could happen that I fear?
The only and real reason we don’t do something is because of fear. Fear of something. Fear of not feeling good, fear of rejections, failure, criticism, etc. Could be anything. Your fear will be unique to you, just as you are unique to this world.
So dig deep to answer these questions, to really get to know yourself and to get to the bottom of this.
What am I afraid will happen (to me) if I do this?
Another way to get further with these questions is to ask yourself why?
Why am I afraid of that? What does that mean?
Keep going until you hit that aha moment and feel that sense of relief.
Here is an example from my own life:
What is my desire?
To write my book.
Why have I not worked on it as much as I would have liked?
Because it doesn’t feel good.
Because it makes me feel bad about myself.
Because I am worried I will fail, not do a good job. I am worried I won’t know what I’m talking about. I am worried I will lose myself in it and become obsessive, trying to control every aspect of it, because it’s so important to me.
When I hit that last part, I felt that aha moment. I felt relief. So I know that was it. That was the key component to my fear.
We need to expose the fear that keeps us from our goals.
Fear is just faulty thinking. It is not fact. Fear is not evidence of a doomed outcome. It’s an old belief that at one point served us (kept us safe ) in our lives, but is no longer helpful in our current circumstances. Fear is not permanent. It can be released and then replaced with a more helpful thought which supports the outcome you seek.
Once you have gotten your fear out in the open, you will feel a sense of relief. Like all of a sudden you can take in more air. That you can breathe better. The tension is lifted. Everything just feels lighter. You will feel refreshed, renewed, revived.
So keep asking yourself questions to get to bottom of your fear. Once you expose it, you will be shocked at how much better you feel.
The next step is to identify a new, healthier, better feeling belief and teach it to ourselves; and in my next article, I will teach how to do just that 🙂 .
For now, I want you to dig deep and reflect upon what your desires and goals are, what is holding you back, and what you fear deep down will happen if you reach your goal. Use the questions I mentioned above to help you. By doing this, you will expose your faulty thinking. You will bring it out into the open, where it can be seen for what it is, an old belief that once served you, but now merely holds you back. An old belief that needs to be released and replaced with a healthier and more functional belief.
Doing this inner work is significant and a huge step toward reaching your goal, and stepping into the version of yourself that already has what you want, living the life you want to live. It doesn’t only take physical action to get to where we want to be. It takes mental upgrades and shifts. We have to adjust our mindsets as well. I’m here to help you with that, every step of the way!
If you are looking for more mindset, self love and self care tips, check out my podcast! Take a listen here.